Grandparenting From Afar

Sharing the Good!

When distance separates you from your childrens’ families, it’s crucial to find healthy ways to cope with the grief and loss of long distance grandparenting (and parenting!).

We are very blessed that our three adult kids are healthy, have purposeful careers, and have loving life-partners. Both our sons have children–we have three healthy and beautiful granddaughters! Unfortunately, none of them live nearby. Coordinating the time and resources to be together is challenging. Each family lives in a different location. With everyone’s busy work schedule (hubby and I both still work), getting the entire group together is really a monumental task and a rare occurrence. So the times we are together are special and even sacred.

Everybody Wants to Visit

We’ve been empty-nesters for a while and it’s quite a transition with both family and friend connections. Interestingly enough, without our kids around, we actually see family and relatives less often. But when the kids and grandkids come to visit, all of a sudden, everyone wants to come over to see our kids and grandkids. The dilemma is that we get such little time with them, and when others come over, the focus is on the guests and we really don’t get to spend our very limited time and energy forging a bond with our kids and grandkids. My parents and siblings did not live near us when our kids were younger, but we spent a lot of time visiting each other and it did’t feel like the “diet” we are on now with family contact.

After The Visit Let-Down

I miss my kids and my grandchildren a lot. Strangely enough, after our somewhat rare in-person visits, I miss them even more. Do you know this is actually a thing? It’s called the GRAND slump. There are actual websites devoted to a new age of family dynamics, from long distance grand-parenting to the very sad phenomena of estrangement. What I appreciate about a site like The Longdistance Grandparent is that it acknowledges the grief and loss that you can’t help but feel when you live far enough away from your children and grandchildren that you only see them a few times a year. Worse yet is if they live in a very different time zone than you, which makes even phone calls and Facetime visits challenging, if even possible on most days.

Growing Around Grief

For right now, there are no plans for us to live near any of our chidrens’ families. We both still work and have an active life in an ideal community and location. And now in my 60’s, I am pursuing an additional career path! I love reading about Lois Tonkin’s framework, Growing Around Grief, described on the website Flourish Mindfully. It validates the shift that I have been making. My pursuit of health coaching and this healthy lifestyle blog is significantly fueled not only by my passion, experience and expertise, but also by my very deliberate choice to focus my energy and efforts on how I can be productive and make a positive contribution to improve the lives of others. I see it as somewhat analogous to the opportunity for post-traumatic growth vs. remaining stuck in the victim state of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Active Aging and Grandparenting

There’s no doubt that our lives would be different if we lived in closer proximity to our kids and grandkids, and I think it would be downright paradise to live in the same neighborhood! I sure do hope that that will happen in the not-too-distant future with at least some of them. But for the current generation(s) of active 50+ adults, our focus is likely different than was our parents’ generation. Some of us won’t have children and grandchildren near by, some will have adult children who delay having kids until much later, and someone won’t even have grandchildren at all. What does that mean for us? It really means that we get to fill the second half of our lives with active engagement and purpose, with authentic people who bring us joy, and with the wisdom and patience to enjoy contentment.

What are your favorite things to do when you visit your grandchildren? Please share in the comments!

Sharing the Good!